There Goes the Muffin Man! [Whoo Hoo I Can Fit My Pants!] Day 47

Have you ever put on a pair of jeans that snapped perfectly at the waist, but seem to have a little extra hanging up top? Well that, my dear is called “The Muffin Man!” He comes by messing up all of your outfits, stretching out your shirts, and makes you look like you are expecting a bundle of joy! I am happy to say that this house guest has packed up his stuff and has hit the interstate with no intentions of returning!

 Now that Mr. Muffin Man has left, I would like Mr. Toney Toni Tummy to come visit me now! I dream of a day when the definition of my stomach is apparent and my coke bottle contour comes back blazing on this body!

Recently as I was rushing to a sporting event I had thrown a pair of my favorite jeans.  I grabbed an oversized t-shirt to camouflage my muffin so no one would suspect what lied beneath the loosely worn cotton tee. But oh snap! …to my surprise as I buttoned my pants, I noticed Mr. Muffin had skipped out on me. I take it he does not feel welcomed anymore since I have traded in my sausage sandwich for a handful of almonds and apple slices, my soda for sparkling water, and Lucky Charms cereal for Special K.  I guess I am no longer the life of the loathing party. So during my silent slumber, in the middle of the night, that Muffin Man bastard skipped out on me!

Most of the time when you lose someone or something it’s difficult to get over; however, in the case of the Muffin Man, I celebrated his departure by doing a shirtless happy dance in front of my bedroom mirror.

I won’t ever take for granted that the Muffin Man will be gone forever, because if I do, he will be sure to return extra fluffy.

R.I.P. Mickey D’s Day 98

My Last Combo Meal 3-28-11

R.I.P. Mickey D’s! Oh how I have longed for your taste for many years. You have been there for me like no other. You were on every corner in every urban neighborhood, and when others would shut down for the evening, you were still there for me literally 24 hours a day. You don’t ever close!

You and your calories gladly embraced me with open arms!  Why did you have to take part in destroying my waistline? I mean I loved you man! You and your perfect salty fries, special Mac sauce, and the most enchanting fish sandwiches I’ve ever had!!! Oooohhh and the nuggets….oh the nuggets [where is a nugget on a chicken btw?…umm yeah] you gave them to me in 4,6,10 and 20 pieces with my favorite assortment of dipping sauces.

 When I was sad, you always had a Happy Meal for me [Yes, I am an adult now, but I collected all the Shrek figurines and watches out of the happy meals. So what! ]. You always had something to bring me back to you… first it was toys, then it was the $2, $3, and $4 dollar value meal specials! Ooooohhhh whhhyyyyy! Just when I thought I had the will power to leave you, you go and enhance your dollar menu by making my favorite breakfast sandwich, the Sausage Mc Muffin available for a dollar! Mann, I don’t know if it was you or the mass produced processed sausage that has my head spinning like crazy!

From your combo meals, to your specials, to your desserts…you had me hooked like a kid on Phonics! I had to have you, even if it meant I would have to pop a blood vessel and clog my main arteries.

But you are gone now; I’ve said my final goodbyes when I rolled up to your “farewell viewing” the other day [better known as the drive thru.. Hey!, I had to get one last taste of the tummy tossing tantalizing fast food! Sue ME! ]. So R.I.P. Mickey D’s and “Make it a Great Day!” You will be missed. We had such fun fat times together! As recording Artist, Justin Timberlake said in one of his songs, “I’ve been traveling down this road too long…. The old Me is dead and gone, dead and gone, DEAD AND GONE!” and so are you to me!